Morning Walks + Pepper Spray : On Not Being a Person, But An Object to Be Perceived

Today, I took pepper spray on my morning walk for the first time. 

(Note: I wrote this next part on May 4, 2026) 

I get catcalled nearly every time I go out in public.

I don’t consider myself exceptionally attractive and I’m not someone most people would call particularly stylish. 

Quite literally, 90% of my life I’m dressed in either leggings or gym shorts. I wear makeup maybe once a week on a really good week (okay, that's actually really generous - it's probably more like 1-2 times a month) and my hair… it just sort of does whatever it’s going to do and my main concern is keeping it out of my eyeballs. 

I’m saying all of this to say: IT DOES NOT MATTER 

What I’m wearing. 

Where I’m going. 

How I look. 

How I carry myself. 

How I’m feeling. 

How I respond.

I’m going to share this morning’s experience, but first, I just need to stop you right there if you’re one of the women who inevitably shows up every time I share about something like this with one of the following statements or something similar:

“That never happens to me.” Love that for you. Genuinely. I envy you.

“Must be nice.” It’s not. 

“I would have _________.” Maybe. Maybe not. When you’ve been backed into enough dark corners, you might eventually learn to fawn instead of fighting or fleeing. The best response I’ve arrived at for me personally is to ignore them the first time (you can always pretend you didn’t hear them) and, if they continue (the usually do), politely acknowledge them without entertaining them too much - there’s a delicate balance I’ve learned to strike. What doesn’t help- wearing a ring and informing them you’re married (“What you can’t have friends?”).

It’s always other women and it absolutely baffles me every time. Please just don’t. 

So here goes… 

We live right at a mile from the town square where we live. 

I walk up there several times a week when I don’t have to be somewhere early and it’s not raining. This morning was a little different because the car needed an oil change, so I drove up there to drop the car off with Jimmy and then walked home. 

I’m including photos of my appearance for reference. It was about 45 degrees when I left this morning; a bit chillier than it has been recently, so I wore a jacket over my plain grey tshirt, which is abnormal for me because I run hot, but it was early,  overcast, and a little windy and I didn’t have the walk up there in the sun to warm me up. I had my hair pinned back with several plain but visible clips, no makeup and sunglasses. My sneakers were unremarkable New Balance paired with plain black leggings. 

I walked the main strip past the various unopened shops and turned right on Elm Street.

This particular day, there was a city truck parked at the old fire station playing loud music.

The sidewalk is opposite the fire station, but as I walked, one of the men loudly yelled out “Hey beautiful!”.

I employed my normal tactic of pretending not to hear. So he yelled louder, “HEY BEAUTIFUL!” Without looking up, I politely waved while continuing to walk. 

A few minutes later, now on the right side of the road (because we do have sidewalks, but only on one side of the road at a time, which requires crossing several times on my walk) I could hear a vehicle approaching from behind, but instead of passing quickly, I could tell it was slowing down. This happens a lot here- I think people are just extra cautious once they see someone walking, so they slow their speed- some even drive in the middle of the road as if to give more space 🤣 But this time, the vehicle creeps to a near stop and out the window, I hear a familiar voice “Hey beautiful. You are so beautiful.” 

So again, without making eye contact (a decision I now regret, but it’s the one I made in the moment), I reply “Thank you.” while continuing to walk. The vehicle then turns off to the opposite side and drives in the other direction, telling me he had no business there but had deliberately gone out of his way to go to where I was before going back about his business. 

I spent the rest of my walk reminding myself how to set off the emergency alarm on my phone, making sure my location was turned on and that my watch was synced. 

I thought about what alternate route I would take to throw him off my scent if he continued to follow me so I didn’t lead him to my home. 

When I got home, I took photos of myself to gauge whether I had done something to warrant these interactions. 

—

5/18/2026 Update

I started writing this post and then stopped because what was I going to do? Make another post about existing as Woman in the Wild? Boo hoo right? A man called me beautiful. I should be so lucky when I live in bridge troll territory a very large portion of my life. 

I definitely wasn’t going to report it to the city. The headlines write themselves. “Karen Reports Black Man for Paying Her a Compliment.” 

And so it went to die in my phone notes like so many other untold stories. 

Until today. 

I’ve walked this same route at least half a dozen times since this encounter. 

I’ve since cut off several more inches of my hair (Maybe subconsciously related? Maybe some part of me was trying to make myself as unattractive as possible to men? 😅)  

The weather has warmed significantly. (It was 70 degrees already when I set off this morning.) In spite of that, I’ve found myself wearing baggier t-shirts. They’re terribly uncomfortable for me to walk in, but so is unwanted male attention. 

I noticed something else that was new: A shiny new trauma response 🎉 I now panic a little inside any time I see a white truck with the city logo on the side. 

(((Something you should know about me is, while I may not look super fit (I’m definitely overweight at the moment), my resting heart rate stays between 60-70bpm, which is on the lower end for the average woman, and I have done a LOT of work in the last decade around nervous system regulation. I’ve experienced some pretty horrific shit, including, but not limited to, sexual assault and armed robbery, and it takes a great deal to rattle me. When I’m actively walking, my heart rate is usually between 100 on the low end and 150 on the high end (this is if I’m walking fast or uphill), but on days when I see the city truck, there’s a significant spike in my heart rate, and multiple times now, I’ve gotten a “stress reminder” from my watch which I think is directly related to my blood pressure? I don’t actually know, but it’s usually pretty spot on 🤣)))

So today, I took pepper spray on my morning walk for the first time. 

Just in case.